TGIF, amiright?!? Raise your hand if you are SO ready for the weekend. *pick me, pick me.* Same. It’s been a hot minute since I’ve done a Friday Feelings post, and today I’m Coming Clean.
We’re got some real shit to talk about here, friends. I’ve been doing an extraordinary amount of thinking these days. And that’s saying something because my mind is already essentially a constant beehive of thoughts, buzzing around and bumping into each other. After all this mental work, I’ve built up a whole pile of sweet, juicy honey that I’m ready to pour out onto you today. (Is that analogy too weird? Sorry…)
Disordered eating. Orthorexia. Health obsession. Whatever you want to call it, it’s the wild, busy, never-stops-working beehive mess that I need to talk about. Because unhealthy food relationships plague up to 75% of women and are a serious mental and physical health issue.
When most people think of someone with an unhealthy relationship with food, it’s common for them to picture a rail-thin, ghost-like waif of a human. But it’s so much more than that. Disordered eating can manifest as calorie restriction, purging, or uncontrollable binge eating. But the sinister thing is that it’s not always glaringly obvious. And that’s why I’m compelled to call myself out. To come clean.
If you follow me, you know I significantly injured myself a few weeks ago. And as a result, the doc ordered no gym for a few weeks. And that’s when some disordered eating bees starting buzzing around in the hive… I have struggled with some much more serious disordered eating in the past (which I plan to write about in near future) but I thought I was way past that. I was waaaaaay wrong.
Since my injury, I’ve had thoughts like “I need to get in as much low-impact movement as possible to avoid putting on weight” and “I should eat less fat and carbs while I’m not being active“. There has been so much panic about the possibility of long-term recovery and rest. THIS IS NOT OK. It’s not normal to be so freaked out at the idea of not going to the gym that you can’t sleep.
It’s not healthy to attempt to be perfectly healthy all the time. [Have to give a huge shout out to Alexis for giving me the bravery to admit that.] When it comes down to it, fighting to be perfect at anything can lead to mountains of stress. And stress can end up doing more harm than good.
The fact that I’ve been so stressed about not working out and subsequently trying to “make up for it” by restricting my food has been a huge wake up call for me. It has opened my eyes to the dark corners of my mind where disordered eating thoughts like to hide. And I’m ready to shine a light allllll over that dusty place.
I’m getting help. I’m talking to a professional. I’m talking to my partner and my friends and the people who I trust most. And I’m telling all of you. Because the more people know what disordered eating looks like, the less people have to suffer.
The same way we go to the chiropractor when we fall out of a yoga pose and nearly break our neck (still so embarrassing), we must also seek advice for wounds of the mind and soul. I’ve turned to some pretty incredible podcasts, online resources, books, and friends in this time of hurt and struggle. And I want anyone out there to know that you CAN and MUST get the help you need. Even if it’s just talking to a friend. Or shooting me an email. People are here and we want to listen.
Phew, thanks for letting me get that off my chest, friends. I know it’s some seriously heavy shizzz. This blog is my outlet and my expression and I appreciate every single person who has ever skimmed its pages. LOVE YEW. Have a great weekend, I hope it’s filled with peace and cat memes.